i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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