I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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