Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
