I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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