I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
