Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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