my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
