he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
