It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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