I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
