One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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