Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
