I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
