So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
