So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
