he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
