Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
