One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
