i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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