look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
