Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
