what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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