we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
