I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
