fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
