oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
