How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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