Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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