Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
