She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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