We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
