I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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