I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
