Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
