You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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