they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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