ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
