The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
someone threw a dead crab at me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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