Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
