my shit smells like andre
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
