Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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