I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
