I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
