God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
