another moral hangover. fuck.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
