but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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