he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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