the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
