bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
