Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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