I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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