Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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