I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Your mouth is God's brothel.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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