i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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