Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize