just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
this is an emotional support booty call
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
