how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
