My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
