I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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