dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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