how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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