you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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