I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
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we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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