You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
