I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize