Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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