I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
