Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
