Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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