i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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