Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
