Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
