Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize