If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
